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As such, it is important for any initial queries to sound as neutral as possible. If you believe you have experienced sexual violencethere are resources available to support you. A kink, a fetish, and a paraphilia can involve the same behavior, but the role that behavior plays and the effects it has can be very different depending on the person.
Unfortunately, many therapists and clients are uncomfortable discussing sexual issues. The basic behavior, consuming alcohol, is the same, but the underpinnings, impact, and long-term effects are quite different depending on the person. Consider the following client: Kevin, a year-old attorney, enters therapy for severe anxiety. Paraphilias are fetishes that have escalated in ways that have resulted in negative life consequences.
If BDSM was something Kevin engaged in occasionally with his partner s for a little bit of extra fun during sex, we would say hes got a kink. Moreover, it is only when the behavior is taken to an extreme that results in negative life consequences that its viewed as a disorder. In such cases, a clients sexual concerns might only come to light while exploring the clients self-esteem, failed relationships, substance abuse, unresolved early-life trauma, mood disorders, etc.
He says he does not become physically aroused while kink gay speed dating merrick is occurring, but after the dominatrix leaves he masturbates furiously. When asked a few basic questions about his sex life, he says that for the last several years he has been hiring a dominatrix a few times per month, paying her to physically and verbally humiliate him.
It does not and never will mean that you automatically and always agree to sexual activities like being slapped, choked, or called names. He also says that twice in the past year he has started dating a woman kink gay speed dating merrick liked, only to break up with her because the stress of his compartmentalized sexual life felt overwhelming to him.
By posing queries and nonjudgmentally following up as indicated, we give clients permission to talk about their sex life and the ways in which it might be affecting them.
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Trying kink and BDSM is completely up to you. We let them know that its OK safe to discuss their sexual life in treatment, however much shame they may be feeling about it. Has anyone ever expressed concern about your sexual or romantic behaviors? Fetishes are nontraditional sexual interests or behaviors kinks that are, for a particular individual, a deep and abiding and possibly even necessary element of sexual arousal and activity.
They should not pressure you to keep going. In my work, I tend to define kinks as nontraditional sexual behaviors kink gay speed dating merrick people sometimes use to spice things up, but that they can take or leave depending on their partner, their mood, etc. Consider as an analogy the difference between a casual drinker, a heavy drinker, and an alcoholic.
He also feels like his performance at work is suffering because of his anxiety. A few non-threatening questions I typically ask are: Do you have any concerns about your current or past sexual or romantic behaviors? And with good reason, because if you search the internet youll find a wide variety of definitions with quite a lot of overlap.
Typically, these individuals are either overtly or covertly worried about too much sex, not enough sex, no sex, strange sex, addictive sex, cheating sex, bad sex whatever bad meansetc. Is there anything about your sexual or romantic life that feels shameful to you or that you work to keep secret? He says he wants to continue dating this woman, but he also wants to continue with the dominatrix.
However, the behavior is clearly a primary element of Kevins sexual life, elevating BDSM the level of a fetish. More often, sexual issues lurk in the background, hiding behind depression, anxiety, fear of rejection, shame, and similar problems. Safewords are necessary to ensure that any sexual activity is safe, pleasurable, and consensual. Kink and BDSM are sexual acts that require consent, just like anything else.
Recognizing this, I find it useful to incorporate a few very basic sex-related questions into the initial assessment with every client. Sometimes these concerns are their primary presenting issue, but usually not. Asking these simple, straightforward questions generally ensures that a clients important sexual concerns issues that might underlie and drive more obvious problems like depression and anxiety arent overlooked.
He also says that he has recently started dating a woman he met through another attorney, and he is afraid that if they have sex she will notice the many marks and bruises that he nearly always has on various parts of his body. He is unwilling to tell his new girlfriend about his sexual arousal patterns, and this is creating a great deal of kink gay speed dating merrick and anxiety.
At this point, some readers may be wondering exactly what I mean when I use the words kink, fetish, and paraphilia.