Intimacy-first gay dating derio
Q: What if someone I'm casually dating wants to explore polyamory?
A: The best approach is to have an open and honest conversation. If you're not interested in polyamory, you need to be upfront about that. It's perfectly valid to prefer casual dating, and it's important to respect each other's relationship preferences.
Like that is what intimacy is about. You see? How do we handle household responsibilities? Sorry to interrupt you. This is where maintaining love, trust, and intimacy becomes just as important as building it in the first place. I, I created a video at the beginning of this whole thing. This is about sharing experiences intimacy-first gay dating derio take you both out of your comfort zone.
We all shared different aspects and different types of relationships. Conflict may also increase during this stage, not because love is fading, but because differences become more apparent. But a specific example recently would be just a few weeks ago when we were in Mexico. What about for you Collin? And of course the sense of trust and safety trust the safety come up in all four of those.
And I had an opportunity about a month ago to watch it over again. And so that was the, probably the most recent exchange where it was a really, really intense and yeah. They have unresolved shame from growing up and feeling different and, and you know, all the social conditioning we get around being gay. And in our last episode that we did together, we talked about secure relationships, and that was really about the rhythm that exists in all relationships between closeness and separation or separateness.
So, so much is physical intimacy. It could be a fun way to develop, to develop that another one would be starting a joint business intimacy-first gay dating derio joint venture, a side hustle together. After years of being deeply intertwined, partners may start focusing more on personal growth, careers, or individual hobbies.
I felt shame. Especially with me.
Q: I heard Gina is at the speed dating event to find someone for a serious relationship. Is speed dating good for that? A: Absolutely! Speed dating can be a great way to quickly meet a lot of people who are also looking for something real. Just be upfront about your own intentions from the start to align expectations.Because we grew up in family systems that reject us for being gay. A study on same-sex couples highlights that the ability to resolve conflict is one of the biggest factors in long-term relationship success. This can be both exciting and confronting—no one is perfect, and suddenly, those cute habits might become mild annoyances.
Gay male couples, like heterosexual relationships, need to prioritise emotional intimacy, not just physical connection. But again, it has intimacy-first gay dating derio the trademark aspects of intimacy, vulnerability, trusting each other, being present with each other, working together as a team. And I know what she needs in a situation. What are we going to do?
And I think to generalize it now into the gay community, I think a lot of men, a lot of gay men share that story, right? Of course, sex is included in here, but you could do this without sex as well. Shared friends, close friends, and family introductions may intimacy-first gay dating derio into play, blending social circles to add excitement and pressure.
And then the grand canyon, Las Vegas, like all that kind of stuff. I just, I really liked to take my time with it. Discussing expectations around time, finances, and even sexual health ensures both partners are on the same page. The link to all of this is in the show notes. So those are the areas of intimacy that I really gravitate towards.
We did this divide and conquer thing. So thank you. We could figure this out. And I dealt with getting the accommodations. The more transparent and real you are, the stronger your connection will be. I really, really, there was a lot of dissonance. Because there must be something wrong with us. And if anyone has done an escape room, you know, that it does require a lot of mental agility.
And we just know what the other one needs. Which we can have intimacy with all different kinds of people, including straight women, gay women, family members, whoever that may be one came to me actually, while you were speaking their talent. At this point, many same-sex partners start discussing the future: Should we move in together? One challenge that often arises in long-term gay intimate relationships is renegotiating expectations.
And it, it just felt really, intimacy-first gay dating derio good to have somebody take a genuine interest in me, but intimacy-first gay dating derio was asking me some really deep questions and it gave me an opportunity to like go into, you know, my childhood, my past relationships. The honeymoon phase is long gone, and real life has well and truly kicked in.
Well, thinking back to that video, right? So I very much, and, you know, love that mental stimulation quite a bit, turns intimacy-first gay dating derio on to see someone in their element turns me on to see that. And so throughout the experience, we were like laying on the floor on yoga mats. However, maintaining balance between independence and togetherness is key.
That really takes time. We have, we have some kind of anxiety about sharing what we want for ourselves, but that can be a great way to develop that emotional intimacy. Maybe what worked at the beginning no longer feels right—perhaps one partner wants more quality time together, or the couple is navigating different levels of sexual desire. And that is felt when listening to you.
So some examples of how you can develop intellectual intimacy is doing an escape room date night. I love that. And a lot of my intimacy moments is probably come more from friends. My other example that I was going to use is with respect to my relationship with my partner. The second one is emotional intimacy, and this is all about feeling safe and comfortable sharing your deepest emotions.
And that could look like a lot of different things. And so, but I never felt unfulfilled. It really does take time. Open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to adapt. I feel, I feel inclined to share a bit of a story actually, to kind of lead into this. This is about bonding while sharing new experiences. Ultimately, though, true to me, true intimacy requires just a few things being present with the other person, whoever that may be this, this willingness to be present, a willingness to be yourself, share yourself willingness to be vulnerable.
This is also the stage where many same-sex partners decide what kind of relationship structure works best for them—monogamous, non-monogamous, or something in between. And it was really raw, but we ended up doing a psilocybin ceremony, which for me, it like exacerbates my rawness, my sensitivities, everything. As I said, another one easily, one could be a game night or even just watching a movie or reading a book, and then having a critique on that and discussing the elements of the book or the cinematography of the movie and so on, and really having a critic about what that could be.
What about you, Michael? And lastly, the gay men going deeper membership is open. Like She said this, Yeah. For some, this period leads to discussions about same-sex marriage or long-term commitment, while others explore non-monogamous or alternative relationship structures. Should we explain what sapiosexual is to people who are listening? Well, first of all, your, your monologue was beautiful.
And finally, the fourth one that we all know and love. And like that months, months, months, long span. What about for you callin? Like, she knows what I need in a situation. The excitement of early love gives way to routine, and maintaining a healthy relationship requires effort. I was a bit of a cold getting to that space of safety with another person.
In fact, all of these things come up on all four of those. And we were just like, you know, just moving through our journey, you know what I mean? We will be launching our new course all about relationships this month. If you are a member, you got access already. This is about brainstorming and problem solving together. And what came from that, like, I always think intimacy is just this really beautiful container that allows us to kind of really feel so connected to somebody, you know, and I felt really connected to her.
The first one is Michael, you were talking about like traveling with people and you know, it can be intimate and all that. So some examples that I love or going on vacation together, that somewhere new, that you both have never been to and experiencing that together, maybe a road trip, it could be embarking on a home DIY project together, or even taking up a new hobby together.
Michael S: "This information really helped me understand how to navigate the flirting scene in the US. Thanks!"I think those are all very vulnerable things to share with, with somebody else. You know, it really brings out the meeting of the minds. So now I want to talk about why looking at it from the gay lens specifically, why intimacy is so hard specifically or so challenging for gay men. It was a long time ago, probably when I was in university, but intimacy being described as into me.
The key here? So some examples of what could develop this emotional intimacy would be sitting down with a friend or loved one and sharing your deepest fears, sharing some of your big fears, opening up about a past trauma with somebody is a great intimacy-first gay dating derio to, to experience that emotional intimacy or even just sharing your hopes and dreams for the future.
And that was one that had a mix of the, you know, sexual in there, but it was mostly like internet intellectually base for that intimacy. This stage is also where most couples may hit a rut. I love physical connection as well, but there has to be though at the foundation of, of intellectual and emotional for me to enjoy the physical.
So as a vague umbrella term, I like to call it mutual vulnerability and closeness and personal relationships, mutual vulnerability and closeness and personal relationships. And I felt like, oh my God, like she can see into my soul. So these are the four types of intimacy. So please join us head over to gate men going deeper.
So I, when I intimacy-first gay dating derio workshops for it to see for gay men. All right. And then that, you know, safety basically parallels intimacy because that safety can then allow the intimacy to come through. So we were having to scramble to put our heads together, having to problem, solve, having to do some teamwork, which is always a turn on again, being that, in that thing, that mental stimulation, okay, how do we get through this?
However, this is also where open communication becomes even more important. I love those examples of how they both used, you know, relationships that were platonic even with like women, right. Now, I definitely want to hear from Matt and Kellen on this. Intimacy-first gay dating derio we hang out and I was having one of those days where I was feeling just extremely raw.
And I really enjoyed that aspect of just having somebody to like, have those deeper conversations with who was just like really there. And this is about giving and receiving physical touch and affection. And that takes time. So the question is what unique challenges do gay men face when it comes to developing intimacy? You can have physical intimacy with clothes on or clothes off.
And like, there was some sexual illness and there was like kissing and cuddling and all that. What does long-term commitment look like for us? Unlike straight relationships, gay and lesbian couples often approach relationship structures with more flexibility. I really, really wanted intimacy, but it scared the shit out of me. So I love intellectual stimulation.
Simple acts—date nights, surprising your partner, or even changing up your daily habits—can help keep the relationship from feeling stale. And so then that allows the other person to then have that opportunity to see in. Like this makes no sense. So I think some examples of, of what that looks like could help illustrate what intimacy can look like outside of sex.
So pushes you both out of your comfort zone. And that also is work trust construct. I feel a little safe. And, you know, whatever balance works for you works for you. And that makes, makes perfect sense because if we want to feel, if you want to feel vulnerable, we want to feel safe to do so. Feeling vulnerable. So the first one I want to talk about is experiential.
This is also the stage where couples start forming a shared social life. And I think that those two things really impact our ability as gay men to connect with one another because we, what that, what, what shame does and even attachment trauma, it, it tells us to reject ourselves, right? So, so start out with insurance. We spent a couple hours of the day just getting all the shit done.
So please go join us there. So yeah, I would, I would say probably really important elements to intimacy for me would be sharing in a vulnerable, in a vulnerable way. And then towards the end, as things kind of calmed down a little bit, we, we just kind of settled into this really beautiful energy where we were just, you know, she was in this really beautiful energy of curiosity, just wanting to learn about me, wanting to know about me.
So for me, safety really is intimacy or like an opening door to intimacy. It could be exchanging ideas and opinions while allowing room for intimacy-first gay dating derio disagreement. And then I do want to say this about my second ex, because my second ex and I were very much an intellectual, like sapiosexual relationship. Our fears, insecurities needs and desires.
Like we were together for a few months, but we only, I think we only had sex like twice and we only fooled around like maybe two or three times. Thank you guys for sharing that. The third one I have here is intellectual intimacy. One of the things that we wanted to do in this podcast is underlined the fact that intimacy can be sexual.
It was, it was perfect. Open communication is essential during this phase. And I was even having trouble making eye contact. So very quickly save your sexuality would be people who are aroused, physically turned on by mental stimulation of any kind. So thank you, fairway civilly for those kind words and those suggestions. While it might feel early, this is where relationships either deepen or intimacy-first gay dating derio.
And it gave me an opportunity to really just share these deeper parts of, of myself. What do we do? At this stage, gay men couples often experience a shift known as individualisation. It stimulated a lot of good stuff. And so I want to offer a little slice of that for the beginning of this. You know what I mean? We, so we all have the CPO sexual side of us.
So you can listen to the episodes before they are released on Thursdays. And I described this as a meeting of the minds. That is what a relationship is about. So Yeah. Thank you guys enough. I think patience is a really good point as well. And intimacy does mean a lot of different things to different people. And I had intimacy-first gay dating derio attachment trauma.
And then a lot of us have attachment, right? Stage 3: Maintaining and Keeping the Spark Alive By the time gay couples reach Stage 3—somewhere between years three to five—the relationship has settled into a rhythm. Whatever the choice, the key is that both partners feel heard, respected, and aligned.